This site is not about me. So I was not going to write stories about me here. However, I do realise that a site can feel very annonymous and I do value the human and the personal touch when visiting a space. As it is, I will keep this space clean and undiluted, but I expect it might have its own unfolding to do.
The birthdate of this page is 07.01.2021. I have no idea where the journey leads or who will join it, but the first steps are taken. My nature is "Dreamer," so this is fairly big for me. Starting is usually easy, maintaining... Hmmmm, :D, another story. But let's see.
My name is Tatjana, I am German by birth and I currently also live in Germany.
I was born in East Berlin as the second of 2 children in a diplomatic family. My father was specialized for East Africa, and when I was 7 months old we moved to Ethiopia and stayed there for 5 years. That is where I met my "second mother", an Ethiopian woman called Bakalitsh. She was hired as my nanny, my brother being old enough to go to Kindergarten. I remember nothing about Bakalitsh except the day I last saw her at the age of 4 or 5. And that memory can bring tears to my eyes to this day.
Both our parents worked full time, so they didn't get to spend much time with us. Apparently I was sleeping when they left the house in the morning and sleeping when they returned back home in the evening. So my waking hours were filled with my nanny, and with our "grandfather" gardener and his daughter or granddaughter, who was a little older than myself, and who stayed with him in the room he had at the back of our yard. We played a lot together, but naturally I remember nothing of her either, except a photograph.
I learned to speak the Amharic language before I learned to speak German. That is, if one can refer to toddler-talk as "speaking a language" - but story has it, that my German family back home couldn't speak with me when we came home for holiday, because I didn't really speak German. :D This may be an exaggeration. The first word however, that they are supposed to have heard me speak is: ጫማ (ch'ama - shoe). I personally love that annecdote, so excuse me for adding it in here.
I will not write much further about the journey of my life except to say that I spent those first 5 years of my life in Ethiopia, later on I spent a few years in Tanzania, finishing my school education at the International School of Tanganyika, and on January 1, 1997 I moved to South Africa, Cape Town to study and work until life signalled me it was time to leave. It was to the day for 13 years that I lived there, leaving December 31, 2009. (Like I expect many of you, I am a numerology enthusiast, and I love the cycles and their numbers in my life. So these unplanned 13 years exactly, travelling in and out in the New Year Night, in South Africa always impress me. Nothing beats the timing of the universe... :D
So since 2010 I am back on European soil.
"Re-entering orbit," so to speak, took me years. I did not understand how the difference in the "field" affected me. The collective. The lack of smiles, warmth, laughter, open-heartedness, that had been the world I lived in for 17 years. It also so happened, that I entered my 40's back here in Germany, and I had a lot of persoanl baggage come up and needed a lot of time and energy for healing. I took many long and deep journey and learned on my own much about "healing the ancestors," or the ancestral field, or the ancestral codes, however one thinks about that.
Layer after layer a waded my way through the wounds, scars, and programming.
Two days ago I saw the wonderful film "DOWN to EARTH", and I now understand: If an individual wants to heal, the tribe needs to be healed and needs to be involved in the healing. So it now more than ever becomes aparently clear top me that we need to heal collectively. It is also clear to me personally, that enough of us are here now, having done our personal work, and being ready to take on the tasks to connect with each other in the externally visible worlds and reach out our hands to each other, heal together, share our stories, maybe become "wound mates", as Carolyne Moss would say, and shape that, which we think of as "future on planet earth" - together. For the benefit of all.
NAMIBIA - A GAME CHANGER
In 2017 I was invited to a visit to Namibia. It was my first time visiting. During that visit, I was contacted by the ancestral spirit of the land. The story itself is beautiful and full of tears and joy, but the message then was very clear. The way forward is the way together. And they noted, that even many of their own people were turning away from them. Do they grieve that, or are they more concerned that this trend is hurting us more than we realize? I cannot answer that without possibly bringing in my own filters.
I walked out into the silence of the desert in the late afternoon of one of the last days there, hearing the silent singing of the elements. The ancestors and I had been communicating for a few days already. The days of silence made it easier and easier to "hear and listen". I was gathering stones and feathers to take up onto a nearby hill to make a little altar there. At some point I stood - perhaps I was singing, perhaps I was silently letting the tears flow - and I looked down. And right in front of me lay a stone with a smile on it.
I couldn't believe my eyes. Who had carved it? Who had left it? The world started spinning. Up until that time, any (conscious) communication with the ancestral field in my life had been confined to my biological blood line. This was so amazing for me. Was I allowed to keep this stone, and take it out of the desert, it's home? Was this a gift to me? I decided that at least for now I wanted it to be.
Something woke me up in the middle of that night and I walked out again into the silence of the vast immenseness of darkness, earth and stars. FIlled with an indescribable (painful) joy of home-coming. I was flooded with memories of belonging into a tribe which was my family. Nothing like anything I had known in this life.
Two days later we left Namibia. I feel I was given two songs from the radio in the shuttle on the way to the airport, and all along the hills between Windhoek and the airport thousands of ancestors lined the hills and waved and danced goodbye. Children were running along the bus, waving and laughing. (Only in my imagination, of course. Just to clarify.) It was a most wonderful farewell and the energy stayed with me for months afterwards.
Then it became relatively silent and I went about living my life, explorand recapturing whatever my past-life shamanic traditions were, taking many inner journeys.
2020 - ANOTHER GAME CHANGER
Then came 2020. I went to bed as I did any other New-years night, but I did not wake up in the world I went to sleep in. The minute I opened my eyes I knew, without the shadow of a doubt, something like, "It's here." Or, "It's now." Whatever I have been born for, whatever I have been preparing and waiting for, for an uncountably long time, is finally here. It came with an elation in a way I have never known. That feeling lasted for about 10 days. It was very clear and very intense. I did not think of this as something relating to the whole world, I took it as a sign for me personally only. Little did I know... Little do I know still...
The year 2020, for me personally, was year full of fulfillment. I was once again invited on a journey - this time to Indonesia. Singapore, Yava, Bali. This was in February/March. China had already locked down, and Europe was about to.
Landing on Yava, I looked out the window of the airplane, and I knew once again: I am home. A temple pilgrimage this journey was. Magnificent. The last temple being the so-called "Mother Temple" in Bali. Words can not convey the experiences. Like pieces of me long longed after finally being found and falling into place.
The remainder of the year unfolded as divinely planned, I could never have planned it. Guided by an invisible hand, the timely happenings every day often leaving me speechless and beyond any doubt that I, and everything else, was on some sort of schedule.
As of the fall of 2020 the ancestral voices came back, very loud and clear again, and I am picking up my sandals now and walking along this path, at once knowing it intimately and not knowing it at all.
But the inner compass and knowing are so clear. It is time. NOW. We are called and we are answering.
I invite our paths to cross, complete and complement each other, and to lead into the morning of a very long and dark night. Aho.
